I was a pretty cringey person in my late teens and well into my 20s. You might be thinking, “Most young folks are,” and you’re probably right, but I can only comment on myself, and I have a lot of memories that I think about late at night. There really is no stimulant greater than recounting the time you were SO SURE of yourself, how you swore to everyone up and down that you were an EXPERT on how to use a sword, and you got called out on it by someone who actually IS an expert with swords, and then you were all embarrassed because you got caught in a lie.
You know… as a random hypothetical. Let’s move on.
I’m a very different person now than I used to be, and one of my biggest changes is that I have kicked to the curb any fear of telling someone when I don’t understand something. If I’m learning a new skill at work, I will say, “Sorry, I’m still not getting it,” if I’m truly not getting it. And if there’s someone I want to impress, and they’re talking about an unfamiliar subject, I am perfectly honest and tell them that.
Here are some of the benefits of this:
Being Honest is Less Work
Mark Twain said it best when he said, “If you tell the truth, you never have to remember anything.” Being honest and saying, “I’m not familiar with that,” means you don’t have to remember later that you fibbed a little, and what exactly did you say you knew? What was the term they used? We should look that up. Should we watch a YouTube video on that, so we’re more sure of ourselves next time we see them?
Being honest when you don’t understand something means you’re just echoing what’s already in your head – no post-processing needed.
It Lets People Talk About Their Glimmers
In this context, a “glimmer” is the opposite of a “trigger.” Where a trigger is something that evokes negative feelings in someone because of bad memories or mental images, a glimmer is something that excites someone or brings them joy. When someone lights up when they talk about it, that’s one of their glimmers.
When you say, “I don’t understand,” it often opens up the conversation for someone to talk about a topic that excites them. You see their face change, and they start to perk up with the chance to introduce someone to it. They get to share a glimmer with you!
It De-Stigmatizes Saying “I Don’t Understand”
How many times have you been in a room full of people, all receiving an explanation from someone, and you’re hopelessly lost, and then the speaker asks everyone how they’re doing? Then someone raises their hand and says, “I’m afraid I don’t understand,” and you flood with relief because someone feels the same way and wasn’t afraid to speak up. Usually once one person speaks up, the rest sort of cascade in with similar responses. “Yeah, I got lost around the middle.”
When we speak up about things we don’t understand, we show others that it’s okay. When you don’t understand something, there’s a very strong chance that someone else in the room feels the same way. Imagine the relief you’ll give them when you say something!
So this idea is one that translates pretty directly to the world of learning. If you’re an educator or trainer, you want to create a space where learners feel safe saying “I don’t understand.” Solicit questions from your learners early, and solicit often. If a learner doesn’t feel safe, they won’t ask, and if they don’t ask, you’ll overestimate how well they understand. In an industrial or healthcare setting, the consequences can be literally fatal of someone misunderstanding something.
If you’re a learner, we need to get you more comfortable asking! I can’t do a whole lot from here about instructors you have and their demeanor (unless you give me their phone number, I guess. Don’t do that.). However, I CAN give you a tip that can help you get more comfortable.
Anything you want to get good at, you need to practice. So if you want to get good at saying “I don’t understand,” practice saying, “I don’t understand.” Say it out loud. Many times. You can do this in front of a mirror, in the car, or as you’re cleaning the house. It doesn’t really matter where. Just as long as you’re getting the practice of physically saying the words. You’ll learn that saying “I don’t understand” doesn’t cause power outages or broken ankles. So give it a shot!
Did all of this make sense? I promise not to judge of you tell me it didn’t.